i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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