We got so high we made milksteak
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
PANTIES FOUND
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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