its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
