Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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