Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you would pick up someone in the library
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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