you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
