I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
