While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
