Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
