I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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