Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
