dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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