2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My friends, they love my intelligence
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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