Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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