Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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