whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
