Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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