I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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