I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
