We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
