Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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