My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
