New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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