I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
