sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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