Plan B is the new Plan A
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Bring me that man meat
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
