even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
