Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
