i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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