I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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