told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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