I heard we made out
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
