"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
