i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
