It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
NoShamevember. You game?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
