I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
