**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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