if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
