Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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