Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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