The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i drank out of a bidet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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