Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
