Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
