My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
