She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
