She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
As shirtless as possible
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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