I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
