you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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