yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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