she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
soo... how was my night?
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